it just occurred to me that i have absolutely no clue as to what you are doing right this very moment. i could take a wild guess and say you’re most likely sleeping because it’s 2:21 AM and you should be sleeping. i should be sleeping. but instead i’m thinking about you. i’m thinking about all of you. my mind keeps drifting from one of you to the other one of you to the final one of you. i think of some boys i may have acknowledged interest in or pretended interest in, rather, in between, before, and after, the bulk of you three. but in the end, it’s you three who have shaped me. fuck you all. i really mean that too. fuck.you.all. fuck you dave. fuck you aaron. and last but certainly not any less of a resonant “fuck you” extended to cameron, the runt of the heartbreakers. yes, it just occurred to me that i don’t know whether any of you are happy or not. i only know one of your favorite colors. although, i’m not sure why your favorite color is orange, dave. it makes you look like a prisoner. i only know one of your favorite singers. i always did love your taste in music, aaron. i wish we had been able to talk about that more. it’s a shame you have chosen to ignore me for the past three months. and cameron, i really know the littlest about you. you’re different from the rest, not good, not bad, just different. although, you are the most recent heartbreak. thanks again for that. i don’t know where you three are headed, hopefully somewhere far enough away from me that i don’t have to hear or be concerned with all your guys’ bullshit but close enough to me that you can ask yourself why you ever let me go when you hear about all of my future success and boyfriends that i WILL have. i don’t know if you’re happy, but i hope you’re not. and again, i really mean that. i hope all three of your lives suck without me in it. not only do i hope they just suck all around but i hope they suck because you all let me go. i hope i am the sole reason your lives suck so badly. i hope you wake up every morning thinking about me, wishing for me to be there to kiss you good morning, praying that someday you’ll find the courage enough to call me. and i hope i’ll make it through even this next week (you know Valentines Day is approaching…two weeks…last year i had a valentine. remember that aaron?) i hope that when one, two, three of you all text me next that somehow i will find the strength and courage within myself to simply not respond like all of you have done to me before. none of you are strangers to the ignoring a person field, but me however, i am. i tend not to ignore people’s calls or texts unless absolutely necessary. i think it’s rude. haven’t any of you heard the Golden Rule before? “Treat others the way that you would like to be treated.” What the fuck is so goddamn hard about that. do you honestly think that i would enjoy having my heart  ripped in two? to answer that what should be clear as day, no i didn’t enjoy watching as all three of you brought me to cloud nine only to rain on me like April showers. it sucked then and it sucks now and i hate it and i hate each of you. you guys hurt me. don’t you know that? can’t you see that?